So tonight...

I attended an annual Christmas party that a family I am friends with hosts every year. I wasn't planning on going, but my sister wanted me to, and since she's signed herself away to the Marines and ships out for boot camp in early, early January, I figured I would go, if only because she wanted me to. There were a lot of people there, as expected. They have a decent sized house, but boy can it get crowded...and of course it did.

I spent most of my evening talking to a friend of mine. We talked on various subjects of God and Christianity and the like. Which, really, is the only thing I can actually talk about for hours on end...any other subject just really dies after a few minutes (it's a rare thing when I can find something to talk about with someone that'll last for an hour or so).

She brought up, again (this was the second time that she had told me), a conversation that we had had a few months ago. I go to a Bible study that is held at her house every Wednesday, and one evening when I was there, we talked for about two or three hours, about, what else, God and life involving Him, and whatnot.

In that conversation, I was able to share with her how my life has completely changed from where I was a year ago. How I am no longer struggling with cutting, depression, or constant suicidal thoughts. And I was able to tell her something that I realized the vitality of...putting on the armour of God everyday.

This is something that I think most Christians don't understand the importance of.  We are in a battle every day of our lives.  If we aren't equipped for it, than we are bound to lose in one way or another.  And we have to remember to put every piece on...if we go without protecting even one section of ourselves, that will be our weak spot...the spot the enemy knows he can use to get through to us.

And so because we are in this battle, we need prepare ourselves.  We need to put the armour on every morning when we wake up...and for those of us who suffer with night terror, we need to equip ourselves with it before we fall asleep as well.  Because our lives are that of warriors; we need to be constantly aware, constantly fighting, constantly taking ground from the enemy.

Anyways, I was talking with her about this.  I told her that after being freed from depression while attending my DTS (Discipleship Training School), the direct week after, we had a teacher who taught on spiritual warfare...and it really couldn't have come at a better time.  For the first time in all my years of living, I realized just how important putting on the armour of God is, every day.  I knew that if I didn't, I would be susceptible to the enemy's attacks...and not just to the obvious one of trying to push depression back on me.  To the smaller, more subtle, yet just as important areas, such as lying, anger, frustration, impatience, and so much more.

She was struggling with a few things, and so I offered her my perspective and let her know what I had come to see as something of vital importance.  I told her to try it; after all, it really doesn't take that long.  Just 30 seconds of your morning, really, if you're going to do nothing else than speak it over you.

And so she began doing it.  A few weeks later, we talked again, and she thanked me for talking with her.  She said that it was helping her a lot, and that she was noticing a difference in her life.  And again, tonight, she brought it up.  She thanked me, and said that that one conversation is what got her through this semester.  I was so blessed to hear that.  To know that God can speak through me to others, to help and encourage them is such an amazing and humbling thing.  And I am blessed that He chose to speak through me, to help her.


"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.  Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints."
- Ephesians 6.10-18

Friendship

As I was taking a very brief walk today, my thoughts were focused on friendship.  Not on any one person in particular.  More so, in fact, that I have hardly had contact at all with anybody of late; nor that I mind the simple reality of this fact.

Along this track of thoughts in regards to friendship, my mind was contemplating communication and the... pursuance...of both friends, and loved ones.  Romantically speaking, to show that you are interested in someone means that you (hopefully the male) pursues the female, showing her your interest in something possibly deeper than friendship.  The same holds true on a friendship level.  To show that you want to keep a friendship, strengthen its bonds, lengthen its time, one friend (or both) pursue the other.  They call, write, e-socialize, hang out, etc.

This led me to think about our relationship with God.  While we pursue Him to know Him on a deeper, more intimate level, He was pursuing us, even before we had an established relationship with Him.  The physical, earthly aspect of this is a male pursing a female.  Subtly at first, and then as time goes on, in a more bold, obvious manner, he makes his intentions clear.  Likewise, the female has the option of choosing to encourage the pursuer because she is interested as well; or, she makes her disinterest clear and stops him from furthering his intentions.  So it is with us when we discover God's pursuit of our own selves.

Back to the aspect of friendship.  There was a point in time where I would get upset and disappointed if my friends did not make an effort to keep in touch with me, if they did not pursue me.  As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words."  I thought it to be obvious that they clearly did not want to keep in touch nor continue a friendship because they hardly ever (if never) got in touch with me.  However, that was before I grew up...and realized what a true friend should be like.

A friend, who genuinely cares for the people that they know - whether it be lifelong friends, good friends, or even acquaintances - will do just about anything for those people.  In retrospect, a good Christian friend should always have the intent of pointing their friends to Christ.  This means encouraging them, holding them accountable, loving them despite their faults, praying for them, and so much more.  This also means constant pursuing of those people.

As I was remembering the fact that I am who I am, and to be a true, genuine friend to the people that I know, and I should be constantly striving to point them to Christ, it was the pursuing part that hit me.  If I want to be a good friend and to show the people that I know that I sincerely care for them, than I should be pursing them all the time, despite whether or not they respond to me.  Christian or not, lifelong friend or acquaintance, to be to the people in my life as Jesus is to me, means pursing them no matter what.  On or off days, good times or bad, tired or awake, strong or weak, I need to be pursing the people in my life like Christ pursues me.

Why?

Because I want to be able to show them the love that I know God has given me, as well as the love that He has for them.  

That unending, unconditional, sacrificial Love.

"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."

 - Jeremiah 29.13

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

 - John 15.13

The Verge of Tears

There are so many words that I could use to express how I'm feeling at this moment. So many, in fact, that my mind is overwhelmed at the prospect of them. I attended that Wycliff dinner because I felt God telling me to; if only because of my commitment to obey Him and work on my relationship with my mom and because she wanted me to be there.

At this point in time, I still don't know what my future entails. But I do know that it is in God's hands - and the peace that comes with that knowledge is incredible. I love it.

Something happened at that banquet. I don't know what it is, if it was just the amazement of hearing the work that's happening in the world to further the gospel, or if I caught a glimpse of what my Father might possibly have in store for me. Either way, it happened.

Again, I felt things tugging at my heart that I don't know if they're from God or not. But they very well could be. Three different times tonight I found myself on the verge of tears. Each of those times was when they were showing videos of people who have worked in the field of Bible translation and even of the people who have been affected by it. I don't know why or how I was affected by that, but I was. And almost crying was the affect of what I saw. Not in a sad, disheartened manner, mind you, but in a way that I can't quite describe, for I myself do not know why I reacted that way.

Another time I found myself on the verge of tears when the guest speaker, Brad, was talking. Again, I am not sure of the reason or cause for the reaction. I suppose part of it was because just being able to hear about what God is doing, how He is working through the lives of those who heed His call, and the goodness of His Being.

And yet another cause of tears. While talking with an elderly gentleman who attended the banquet after, when he was speaking to my dad and I about his involvement in YWAM, I was reminded randomly of God's grace in my life. Not reminded of one specific event or circumstance, but just His grace in general. More tears.

I don't think I've been on the verge of tears that many times in such a short amount of time for a long number of years. But I can tell you that God was doing something. He was speaking to my heart in a way that I do not yet understand. And even more so, because even though I do not feel a call to missions in my life, I felt as if I were being tugged in that direction tonight. Randomly, and out of the blue. I was reminded again of my passion for languages (especially French), for experiencing people and their cultures by being right in the middle everything, and even of this odd, heart-sickness that I feel when I think of India and the darkness in that land...and wanting to change it.

God is doing incredible, wonderful, amazing things in my life. And being just a human, I have no idea the extent of what His will, His purpose, and His plan for my life is. Then again, I don't need to know. And if I do, then He will reveal that to me in His timing. But being able to serve Him where I am at right now, to stay in His will and this season that He has me in, to give Him the pen of my life, be fully surrendered in every and all areas, and let Him have complete control is so wonderful. Letting Him pour into me so that I may pour into others. Even when I'm at my weakest point or am unfaithful to Him, He still chooses to use me to influence the lives of those around me and the words that I speak to encourage them. It is such a humbling thing, and something that I am grateful for.

I love my Father. I love how He loves me and speaks to me when I need it most, and even when I don't think I need it. I love how He ministers to my heart is the smallest of ways. I love that I have the privilege to serve and love Him, and the honour of being loved by Him. I am so excited for my future. Even though I don't know what's in store, He does...and that's enough for me.

(09.04.2011)

"Let This Mind Be In You Which Was Also In Christ Jesus"

This is just one of those nights where I have nothing much to do, and I feel inspired to write something. I’m always inspired to write, and it’s mainly caused by the things that go on in my life and the lives of those around me. But, I am always wanting to write something that will change somebody somewhere. Maybe put a little hope in their hopeless lives. Bring a little sunshine to them on an otherwise dismal day.

In reading Philippians today with my Aunt, I came across the passage in Chapter 2. Verses 5, 7, and 8 state: “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus...[who] made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bond-servant, and coming in the likeness of men and being found in appearance of a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.”

I have been dealing a lot lately, with trying to be Christ-like and deal with the issues in my own life that I know need work. Pride is a definite issue – and it seems to be the most currently pressing one. As I was exercising during my Tuesday morning run, I was really seeking God and asking Him to purge my heart from all pride; to take me through the fire if necessary.

I had to ask myself ‘Am I really willing to go through something like getting a mangled face in an accident and to live looking like that for the rest of my life in order to get rid of my pride?’ As I asked myself this, I took the consideration in very carefully. It wasn’t just some “oh, that’s never going to happen” kind of question. Rather, it’s one that is a possibility – however unlikely – and I needed to face it. The answer, by the way, happens to be yes.

Back to those verses. Part of striving to be Christ-like means to have the mind of Christ; which as Christians is something we already have, because of our commitment to Christ. But we have to strive to keep the mind of Christ.

Jesus gave up His reputation for everything. He was a servant to all. “He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death.”

Pride reaches so many areas in my life – and it ties right in there with selfishness. I want to be willing to lose a reputation that was non-existent in the first place with people that I meet and be unashamed to share the love of Christ with them. I want to reach a higher level in servant-hood and to rejoice every time I have the opportunity to be a servant. I want to be so humble that I would be willing to die for what I believe in without giving it a second guess.

I still have a long way to go. And God still has a lot to work on within me. By His grace though, I will stay flexible and willing to let Him complete His work in me. And through His faithfulness, it’ll be accomplished.


"Holy God, take my heart. Purge with flame and truth. A holy heart is all I want, that I may dwell with You."